Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Atlanta's Gas Crisis

For the last couple of weeks we've been living in gas hell.

After the last round of hurricanes the metro area experienced an acute shortage of gasoline. Turns out that, while the rest of the country regained supplies almost immediately, we didn't, because we require a "gourmet" type of regular gas that has a lower sulfur content and therefore is more difficult to refine.

"Require" is kind of a stretch, since we volunteered to use this "special regular" several years ago to reduce emissions. Since that time, the Federal Government apparently took our Southern graciousness for legislation and when the time came to replenish fuel supplies refused to do so since we were "required" to use this "unique" gasoline.

It all came to a head in Dahlonega last week when a guy pulled up to a gas pump, went inside to pay for his gas, and came back out to find his car moved from the pump island, out of line--he left his keys in it--and a woman pumping gas in her vehicle where his was parked just moments before.

The end result? He and the woman got into it and it came to blows, the extent of which ended up in the middle of the road before the law arrived to break up the fight.

I don't know who won. I assume the woman did, since she got the gas first.

Only in Dahlonega.

The only difference in this story and every other story up here is that this one didn't end in death...yet.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Alabama 41, Georgia 30

To quote that great philosopher, Lewis Grizzard:

I don't want to talk about it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What Makes the Election Scary

Sad to say, but I don't remember now where I found this yesterday, but obviously, it's worth repeating here

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'!

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the
country. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. Here are the Stella's for the past year:

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stellas when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.


It's Okay

So, after a scary win over South Carolina, my Dogs are number 3.

It's okay.

Anytime you can make the Ol' Ball Coach throw 1) His clipboard 2) His visor 3) His headset, it's a good day.

It was a good day Saturday.

And, to cap it off, Alabama and Florida State are moving up in the Top 25.

Too bad there are some other scary games left.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Some Thoughts in an Election Year

Random thoughts from The Darwin Awards website:

Stupidity has a knack of getting its way.
--Albert Camus

Just think how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider.
--George Carlin

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.
--Bill Cosby

The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.
--Malcom Forbes

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
--Will Rogers

Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.
--John Wayne

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
--Steven Wright

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
--Scott Adams

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
--Benjamin Franklin

I'm just saying....

Monday, September 8, 2008

What Really Matters

All the talk about the elections has made some people forget what really matters.

College football, specifically SEC football.

My 'Dawgs won again over Central Misery, I mean Michigan, 56-21. In spectacular fashion.

I have the vertical leap of Knowshon Moreno as my wallpaper now. When he hurdled over the defensive player Saturday it was a thing of beauty, much more inspiring than anything the political scene brings to the table.

How can you be undefeated, the number one team not play anybody, and still be number two in the polls?

Oh yeah, the West Coast is a few hours behind us. Right.

I'm just saying....

Sound Familiar?

Thanks to http://liveapartmentfire.com/ for the following:

We are caught in war, wanting peace. We are torn by division, wanting unity…

To a crisis of the spirit, we need an answer of the spirit.

To find that answer, we need only look within ourselves.

When we listen to “the better angels of our nature,” we find that they celebrate the simple things, the basic things–such as goodness, decency, love, kindness.

Greatness comes in simple trappings.

The simple things are the ones most needed today if we are to surmount what divides us, and cement what unites us.

To lower our voices would be a simple thing.

In these difficult years, America has suffered from a fever of words; from inflated rhetoric that promises more than it can deliver; from angry rhetoric that fans discontents into hatreds; from bombastic rhetoric that postures instead of persuading.

We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another— until we speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices.

- Richard Nixon, January 20, 1969