Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Put Down That Cellphone, You Idiot.

It was only a matter of time.

Everything I've known and loved either causes cancer or tries to kill me.  Dairy Queen, cigars, alcohol, you name it, it maims and destroys.

Now, to top it all off, it appears that cellphones cause cancer.

But wait.  Maybe, maybe not.

Seems an "international panel of experts" (as opposed to your Mama, the real expert) decided that there are "possible" human-harming carcinogens in the "electromagnetic radiation" found in cellphones.

WHATTTT?  There's radiation in my Crackberry?  Who'da thunk it?

I have some issues with this report.

A--these folks met in France.  That's right--nation of wimps and wine.

2--it took them a week to decide on the report.  No telling how many people contracted phone cancer in that time period.  I feel a lawsuit coming on.

D--the test group may be flawed.  The testing began with a survey of people who already had cancer and asked them how often they used their cellphones.  Ten years ago.

These experts are part of the World Health Organization.  WHO?  That's right.

In 2007 the USA contributed over $101 million dollars to these bozos.  And we get a French report about a ten-year-old test on sick people who used cellphones.

I want my money back.

Friday, May 27, 2011

It's Been A Long Time, Baby...*

*Elvis Presley, during the 1968 "Comeback" special.

Oh, the places you'll go I've been since the last time I wrote.

I attended the Wedding Of The Century.  No, not that one.  My son John married the beautiful Amanda in Melbourne Beach, Florida.  We've decided that if he blows it we're keeping her.  On a side note, if you happen to stay at the Radisson Beachfront in Melbourne Beach do not deal with Andy at the front desk.  And make sure your air conditioning is working before you check in.  Wisdom from experience.

We survived two rounds of tornado weather.  I know this will sound callous, but once you've been through a Florida hurricane--or eleven of them--tornadoes just don't seem like that big a deal.  But they are.

We've apparently gone full circle in church-hunting, presently attending Dahlonega Baptist Church, where a friend/classmate of the Queen is pastor.  I can't believe it, and neither can I.

I'm more convinced by the day that life imitates the car business.  When gas hit the $4-a-gallon mark folks scurried to buy more fuel-efficient vehicles, which our dealership had plenty of at the time.  These same folks got irate when we wouldn't sell them these same vehicles at invoice, thereby essentially losing money.  We really are crooks, us car people.

Speaking of gas prices, somebody asked the other day why stations were charging so much.  I told 'em it was because they could.  And get away with it.  Of course, in Georgia, when fuel prices hit a certain level a tax is levied (included in the price per gallon) which never goes away, no matter if prices go down.  Like Daddy used to say, I wished they'da kissed me first.

I think that's about it for bringing y'all up to date.  But I'm sure there's more just ahead.