Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Facelift Wrecks

I'm noticing an alarming trend, one that should--no, must--be addressed.

It's the number of people having facelifts. This is an all-encompassing term, meant to include Botox, eye-lifts, eye-brow lifts, nose jobs, tummy tucks and the like.

But for now, let's concentrate on the face.

I saw a recent picture of Dolly Parton today and noticed something was different about her face (yes, she does have a face). Now I grew up with Saturday afternoons and evenings consumed with Country Music stars of the day who had their own television shows. I'm not talking CMT or GAC here, I mean REAL Country Music--Ernest Tubb, the Wilburn Brothers, Bill Anderson...all pre-"Hee Haw" celebrities.

And then there was Porter Wagoner, the original rhinestone cowboy. And his Wagoneers. Also starring Speck Rhodes, comedian, he of the missing front teeth and corny jokes, even for a ten-year-old redneck-in-waiting.

And that new singer from Sevierville, Tennessee, Miss Dolly Parton.

When I first laid eyes on her, I thought I had died and gone to Hillbilly Heaven. She was all you could ever want, and more. Much more. She talked right, looked great, could sing and play guitar. She wrote a lot of great songs and went on after an acrimonious split from the old Wagonmaster to become famous in her own right.

Something happened in the intervening forty or so years. She bought the old Silver Dollar City in Pigeon Forge and renamed it Dollywood. She bought so much of Sevier County I'm surprised they didn't rename it for her, too. But I digress.

She now looks like the Joker from Batman. Along with almost everyone else famous who's had, let's say, facial "enhancements".

The first famous person I can remember having a facelift was Betty Ford. She looked like the Joker before Jack Nicholson did. I think they may have used her post-surgery face as the model.

Now I'm not trying to be ugly (no pun intended) but, really, these folks are like walking train wrecks. You don't want to look but you can't help yourself.

Face it (again, no pun intended), they must all use the same guy. Mickey Rourke, the Joker. Leona Helmsley, the Joker. Barry Manilow, the Joker. Kenny Rogers and Wayne Newton, the Joker. Julie Newmar, Catwoman (just checking to see if you're paying attention). These all make Nicholson look normal. Just look 'em up and see for yourself.

My prospects of getting better-looking as I age are not real good. But I refuse to get anything lifted, tucked, tightened, or stretched. I don't want to end up looking like an arch nemesis of all that is good and right.

Besides, I don't have to look like the Joker. I AM the Joker.

5 comments:

Carder said...

Let's put a smile on that face! OK... that was creepy, sorry. On an unrelated note, I started one of these two, so come check it out whenever you feel so led. By the way, you're a great dad. Just thought I'd let you know.

Michael Ruffin said...

Some people call me the space cowboy...

SwordandSacrifice said...

Let's be honest . . . Mickey Rourke had no place to go but up. The irony is he pretty much still looks like a wreck. Just a well-cared for wreck.

Besides, as I get older, I realize that it's never been my looks that drew people to me anyways.

bella said...

"You're like wine... better with age."

I know, I know. It's corny, but whatever -- I like it. And I love you. I second J -- you are a great dad :)

Sara said...

yeah but thats what happens when you just pick any old surgeon. If she would have picked Dr Prasad it would have been a totally different look and story.