Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Dentistry Is A Pain In The...

A friend of mine at work was telling me today about a predicament he's in. It seems that while he was eating yesterday one of his fillings came loose and he swallowed it.

That in and of itself is humorous. But wait, there's more.

He has to find it. It's a gold filling.

Just think about this for a minute. This morning my buddy had to, you know, go while he was in the shower. I don't mean he had the urge to go, he HAD to go so he could try and find his gold filling.

What a visual.

He did his business (did I mention he had pizza last night?) and proceeded to "look" for his gold filling.

How do you do that? you ask. I'll be glad to fill you in.

I am fifty-two years old, have lived an adventurous life to say the least, and have heard of all kinds of things happening to people. I have never--never--heard of this.

Imagine a grown man squatting in his bathtub, under the shower, after finishing his bowel movement in the shower, feeling his way through his "stuff", trying to find a gold filling. He told me he started to use a colander to strain the "stuff" (did I mention he had pizza last night?) but realized that wouldn't be a good idea.

Noooooo. The better idea would be to get down on all fours and rummage through his crap looking for gold. It wouldn't be the first time a man has done it.

He tried to place the aforementioned "stuff" near the drain so he wouldn't have so far to push it once he found the filling. He mashed through it--all of it--desperately digging for the gold. Barehanded. I don't know why he didn't think of using gloves. Needless to say, I will not be shaking hands with him anytime soon.

Anyway, he didn't find it. Now that's funny.

Tomorrow he will go through the same procedure, hoping no one walks in on him, hoping and praying he finds gold. And tomorrow he'll come in to work and I'll have to ask him what he found.

I can't wait. I'll keep you posted.


Michael Ruffin said...

That is absolutely, completely, thoroughly, amazingly, and pathetically disgusting.

It gives new meaning to "there's gold in them there hills."

Or "After the Gold Rush."

emily said...