One Day At A Time...

Six years ago this month, the wheels on my life came off.

Rewind to Christmastime 2004.  I remember telling my family that they'd all be better off if I was dead.  I sure thought I would, because I just wanted...relief.

Merry.  Christmas.  Y'all.

Then, in February 2005, all hell broke loose.  Without going into a lot of detail (because it's none of your business), let's just say that the same misery I'd been putting my loved ones through for what seemed to them--and me--forever, finally came down on me like fire from the mountain.

It's not that I hadn't lived the nightmare before, and shared it all--humiliation, separation, job loss, all of it--with my wife and kids.  Hey, when you're miserable, why not spread the wealth?

But this time was...different.  They'd had enough, and kicked me out.

My heart hurts even writing about it now, years later.  But I need to say what needs to be said.

Jennie...thanks for kicking me to the curb, and in the process saving my life.  You did the right thing.

John and Carder...thanks for supporting your Mama.  You knew she was doing what needed to be done, whatever the consequences.

Emily...thanks for telling me during the intervention, "Daddy, fight for me."  I've never forgotten that, and I never will.

Mama...thanks for taking me in (I slept on the floor of her house for almost six months on a mattress I brought with me). 

All of my family...thanks for showing me unconditional love.  Although you'd loved me that way all of my life, I could never receive it until everything was gone. 

And, finally, a song that says it all:


"One Day At A Time" - Joe Walsh
I was always the first to arrive at the party,
And the last to leave the scene of the crime
Well it started with a couple of beers,
And it went i dont know how many years,
Like a runaway train headed for the end of the line.

Well I finally got around to admit that I might have a problem.
But I thought it was just too damn big of a mountain to climb.
Well I got down on my knees and said 'Hey!'
'I just cant go on livin' this way!'
Guess I have to learn to live my life one day at a time.
Oh yeah! One day at a time!
Oh yeah! One day at a time!

Well I finally got around to admit that I was the problem.
When I used to put the blame on everybody's shoulders but mine.
All the friends I used to run with are gone,
Lord, I hadn't planned on livin' this long.
I have to learn to live my life one day at a time.

It was something it was too blind to see,
I got help from something greater than me...
And I have to learn to live my life one day at a time!