I watch the local news every morning, more for laughs than anything else. This morning I was not disappointed.
Tom Haynes was interviewing a victim of a stabbing in a lab on the Georgia Tech campus last week. Well, it wasn't really a stabbing; the victim was attacked by a former GT student using a samurai sword.
You can't make this stuff up.
Haynes, otherwise known as Captain Obvious, asked the victim: "When you were being attacked, did you feel that your life was in danger?"
The victim said yes. I know how I would have answered: "Nope, I was just hoping to live long enough to get to the Varsity for one more Frosty Orange and a chili dog."
The interview ended with the victim telling Haynes how the campus police and the Atlanta Police Department showed up. Captain Obvious asked "When the police showed up, did you think your life had been saved?"
Again, yes. Me? "Nope, I've seen the APD in action. They shoot first, and then, if anyone lives, they ask questions."
After this riveting exchange, I tuned to ESPN in time to hear Mike Tirico and Tom Rinaldi talking about Tiger Woods' press conference yesterday. Rinaldi, Sergeant Stupid, observed that the press conference was "one of those things where people will remember where they were when they heard it", placing Tiger's TV time up there alongside the Kennedy assassination, the supposed death of Elvis, and 9/11. Brilliant.
Which reminds me of this story:
An old country Baptist preacher was attending an associational meeting where a seminary professor gave a glowing report of the advances in theological education. The old preacher was called upon to say the closing prayer, whereupon he said, "O God, I thank Thee that I am ignorant. Please make me ignoranter."
Preacher, along with Fox 5 and ESPN, your prayer has been answered.