Our household watches American Idol. Not always live, which would be unbearable; we have a DVR (how did we live without them?) and record it so we can skip the commercials...and some of the drama.
Last night we watched the playback of that evening's episode. Since it was already finished, and I hadn't seen it ahead of time or knew the outcome or knew what Simon Cowell would say about the female contestants and I'm not psychic (or psychotic, for that matter) I felt pretty good about myself as I made the judgment call on the girls. Along with Simon.
Randy Jackson can "yo dog" all he wants. Ellen Degeneres can make everyone laugh. Kara can be kind and cutting at the same time. But Simon...well, Simon is special, isn't he? Just cuts to the chase and lets the chips fall where they may (Dr. Ellzey, forgive me for mixing my metaphors).
(It's always easier to judge others when you're not in their shoes. So I qualify my comments by remembering that as I criticize the Idol eager eight, there's a reason they're on the show and I'm not. I'm slightly outside the age limit for contestants.)
Anyway...I was uncannily accurate in my assessment of last night's singers. I was right there with sweet Simon. To wit:
Katie Stevens--sang a Kelly Clarkson song I didn't know because I listen to country music and Elvis almost exclusively. I did know she was boring. Simon says (that's the only time I'll use that phrase, but I just had to) that she sucked the energy out of the song. I says she just sucked.
Siobhan Magnus--mu spell checker's going crazy. Were her parents high when they named her? Her dad was in the front row last night, looking for all the world like Phil Collins. You make the call. She sang "House of The Rising Sun". My first band in sixth grade sang that song. Simon said it was weird. I said weird started before she opened her mouth. Probably at birth.
Mother: What shall we name her?
Father: I've been thinking (putting away his roach clip). I really do like your mother's name, Cruella, but...oh, wow, man...look at those chiffon drapes...let's name her Chiffon but spell it Siobhan and bug the hell out of all her teachers.
Lacey Brown--looks like a cute little bird with that dark red dyed hair spiked in all directions. Simon said the song she sang was in danger of being forgotten. I don't remember what she sang. We were right again.
Katelyn Epperly--sang Carole King's "I Feel The Earth Move". Dressed like Carole King: hair, clothes, Wurlitzer keyboard. Simon said it was like request night at a restaurant. I requested she stop singing.
Didi Benami--WHERE ARE THESE NAMES COMING FROM? Yawn. Simon too.
Paige Miles--"Smile" by Nat King Cole. Sounds like something you'd hear at a funeral. Simon said it was like what you'd hear at a Holiday Inn in 1974. I take offense, since I was playing in Holiday Inn bars around 1974. We never played that song...I don't think. I don't remember.
Crystal Bowersox--looks rough as a cob, sings like Aretha. Simon said the competition was hers to lose. I hope she wins it all because she doesn't fit the mold. Ever the underdog supporter, me. I realize how nasty that last sentence sounds. I like it.
Lily Scott--Patsy Cline's "I Fall To Pieces". Simon wondered why she chose that song. I wondered how she made it this far. Sounds like somebody choking a cat. Simon said she was brave. I agree. You'd better be brave if you're going to be stupid.
So, Simon and I are on the same page right now. I'm beginning to really like that guy.