Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Environment's Going To The Dogs

A new report says that dogs are more dangerous to the environment than large SUVs.

The report states that medium-size dogs leave twice the carbon footprint of an SUV, even when you include the energy it takes to build it (the vehicle, not the dog).  Something about the size of "meat" (the report's term for dogs) makes owning a dog a luxury.

What about cats? you say.  What about them? I say back.  They leave a carbon footprint the size of a VW.  I can't stand cats and can barely tolerate VWs.  But I digress.

My  sweetheart will be glad to hear about this report.  She constantly worries that our Explorer isn't big enough is helping bring about the end of the world as we know it.  Somebody ought to write a song.

I traded an Explorer and bought her a triple-black Mustang GT convertible for our anniversary one year.  A few months later I traded the Mustang in and got her another Explorer.  The reason I had to trade the GT?  She told me it "just doesn't sit high enough".

So....if I had put a lift kit and off-road tires on the Mustang we'd still have it.

My company, Ford, sells a lot of Explorers and Expeditions.  They are big, but not as big as the Excursion we used to sell.  That beast, built on a 3/4 ton truck chassis, wouldn't fit in most folks' garage.

But women loved it.  As they did, and do, Explorers and Expeditions.  And, as it happens, dogs.

The Explorer saved my wife's life last summer.  She was rear-ended at a traffic signal by an idiot lady talking on her cell phone.  That lady was driving a Chrysler 300C.  The Explorer needed a tailgate replacement.  The Chrysler was totaled.

I think we'll keep our SUV.

My son and his wife are coming up for Christmas and will bring my grandson, Chief Atticus Berry, the golden retriever.  I guarantee that bruiser leaves a carbon footprint the size of a four-car garage.  With a little something on the ground to prove it.  But that dog loves me, which also proves he has excellent taste in people.

Think I'll take Chief for a ride in the Explorer Christmas Day and piss off a tree.

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