Tuesday, December 1, 2009

When A Tiger's Just An Alley Cat

I lived in Florida for two glorious years, twenty-four in all.  During that time I had friends and customers who were troopers with the Florida Highway Patrol.

I learned early in life to have great respect for law enforcement personnel.   My hometown's Chief of Police was Tubby Usery.  His lone patrolman was Opie Pitts.  As I've said before, I grew up in Mayberry, only called by a different name.  But one thing I knew, and knew well:  you don't mess around with the po-lice.

Unless you live in Florida.  In a gated community (another name for "Keeping-The- Undesirables-Out-Land") .  And your name is Tiger.

Did I mention I knew some FHP Troopers?  And that I learned not to mess with them?

As Daddy used to say, "If that was me, they'd have put me under the jail."

Because Tiger Woods lives in a gated community the FHP or the Orange County Sheriff's Office or the Orlando Police have no jurisdiction in traffic incidents unless and until they're called in by Property Management or a resident.  As fate would have it, a neighbor called 911 when they saw Tiger lying in the street as his wife was wailing on him with a seven-iron trying to tend to  his wounds.

I saw pictures of the Escalade after the fact.  Apparently Cadillac doesn't build a fire-hydrant/pine tree-proof SUV, since the front of the vehicle was bashed in.  And, I have a reasonable question:  wouldn't you know if you hit a fire hydrant that you should avoid the tree in your neighbor's yard?

I'm not making fun here.  I'm just an inquiring mind that wants to know.

Initial reports said that Mrs. Tiger (known affectionately as "The Panther") took a Big Bertha and knocked out a rear window so she could free her husband.  Then she knocked out another window on the side.  And another.

UPDATE (I've never been able to do that before just now):  The FHP is going to cite Tiger Woods for reckless driving and consider the case closed.  No word on any charges for his wife's driving.  But then she was using a golf club and not a steering wheel.

Daddy was right.

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